Monday, June 24, 2013

Good Day=Bad Thing?

If you are undergoing treatment for Lyme you know what I'm talking about when I refer to "good day(s)" (sometimes just hours). When you begin treatment for Lyme, you immediately feel worse than you did pre-treatment. And when I say worse, the word torturous comes to mind. But then, every once in a while, you will experience a high more intense than anything you have ever experienced: a good day.

A good day means freedom. You feel unshackled for a small space of time, as if God is giving you a 'time out' (I'm saying that in sports terms, not in parenting terms). You still feel sick, have no energy, and are not your old self. However, you feel so much better that you can actually breathe and feel your muscles relax. You can actually enjoy what you are doing..even the most mundane activities are suddenly fun.

My laughter woke me up yesterday morning. I woke up still smiling and trying to remember if I had a particularly humerus dream. And then it hit me: I felt free. I was laughing because my subconscious had realized that my body and spirit where given a break from battle while I was sleeping. Sometimes this break will only last a few hours, so I use to try and cram as much as I could into the time that I felt good. This is not a good idea--it causes you to crash and then feel worse than you did before your good day.

I have learned to relish these good days and see them as blessings. However, this is a hard lesson to learn.

Good days used to be my curse. I would feel great one day and the next would feel horrible again. It was like someone was teasing me, temporarily releasing me only to shackle me once more...torturing me by changing what was 'normal' for me. I was accustomed to feeling horrible each day, so it was not terribly depressing when I woke up feeling horrible. But giving me a break from the anxiety and pain then quickly taking that freedom away made everything seem so dark. The days after my good day were always the times I was most depressed and withdrawn, feeling cheated and sorry for myself. The good days give you something to compare your normal (bad days) to. It unfortunately makes you realize how sick you really are.

Now good days have become a blessing after altering my way of looking at the situation; a little reconditioning of my thought process. This morning I woke up feeling bad again, but instead of it making me depressed, I was joyful still from yesterday.

So to answer the question, "Can a good day be a bad thing?"...Yes, if you let it be. But by changing your mindset and accepting the good day as a blessing of temporary freedom, a good day will only be a good thing. Now I let my good days be inspirations to keep fighting. They serve as reminders of how amazing it will feel to get my health back, so I enter the bad day ready to battle the spirochetes and parasites in order to regain my health as soon as possible.

Good days are God's gift of hope to us: a brief glimpse of what our future will look like. Good days keep us fighting and knowing that healing is occurring in our bodies.