Babesia Update: Great News

BABESIOSIS UPDATE:

I left you on my last Babesia post having just started my first week of treatment. And I was herxing terribly and felt there was no escape from the Hell of the antibiotic regimen and anti-malarial protocol I had just started. 

After rallying I decided I was going to do everything in my control to increase my quality of life. After taking my detox efforts to an entirely new level (I will write a future post about my "Detox Box"), I started handling the Babesia treatment much better. I made it my 24/7 job to be detoxing and taking care of my body at all times. I previously thought I was doing all that I could--but I even took that up to the next level. Big Time. 

This renewed determination and my new best friend, my detox box, paid off! Exactly two months into my fairly aggressive antibiotic/anti-malarial treatment, I returned to my LLMD for a check-up on my progress. I was carefully optimistic...my detox work had lead me to only "herx" during my "on" weeks of treatment. I was still having terribly bad days, but they were occurring less often. I was having more "good" days (relatively speaking) more often that ever. 

I even had the biggest blessing occur around the 4th of July. I had TEN days in a row where I felt well for the most part of each day. And it was not like I was in bed like usual. I went to the lake for three days and then to the beach for seven. I rode the stand-up jet ski for the first time in four years (if you have never ridden one of these it is the most intense workout. Many people can not even get up on it). My body felt like jello for days afterwards, but it was well worth the reward of being able to take another small part of my life back. Piece by piece, I am taking it back. 

I then headed to Seagrove, FL with my boyfriend some of our friends. I continued to have full, active days (if you have Lyme, you count laying on the beach as a high level of activity). I even played bachhi ball most days, and although my former extremely athletic (and overly competitive) and coordinated self came in last place in each game, I did not even care. Just participating was worth it and so much fun. This was the first time that I actually did not care if I won or not. My happiness and joy did not come from the results of the competition, it came from the pure act of playing in itself. There were even two of my boyfriend's friends down there that I hardly ever see and were not aware that I am sick. We hung out with them and they never knew (until the last night when we were at their house and I had a pretty bad seizure...minor setback). 

I felt more like a normal person than I have since I was a child. I still had to stay in sometimes and take a few naps each day, but I did not feel like I was missing out on anything. I even allowed myself to cheat on my super-strict diet (my "cheating" is what most people consider healthy, but still) and even allowed myself some celebratory champagne at dinner. To feel and appear as a 'normal' person would was one of the best blessings I have received. 

I did not have to spend hours getting ready and putting on makeup to cover the green pallor of my face or the brown, sunk in circles under my eyes. I did not have to obsess about making sure I had backup medication on me at all times in case of a flare up or episode. I did not have to fake a smile and try to hide all of the pain inside of me. For those ten days, I was free. And those were the best ten days of my life. I have been fortunate to travel around the world and vacation in some of the most beautiful locals, but to this day that trip to the charming town of Seagrove, FL is the best vacation I have ever been on. 

To feel that inner peace and 'normalcy' (which made me feel high I was so full of endorphins) was God's way of giving me a sneak peak into what the rest of my life will be like. Yes, this journey has been Hell. Yes, I have had many dark moments, lasting months. Yes, this has been the hardest battle of my life and the most mental, physical and spiritual pain I have ever suffered. But I am enduring. I am fighting. And finally, I am starting to win. 

I got to my doctors appointment and they were beyond thrilled at my progress. So much so that the bigwig specialist that runs the clinic that I rarely see (he spends a good deal of time in research now and mostly sees the most severe cases only) came in to see for himself how much I had improved in so little time. The initial Babesia treatment was planned to last eight months. They agreed that my new Babesia treatment estimate will only be four more months at the most, but most likely only two more months. At the least I will be cutting 25% of my Babesia treatment out, and and most I will only have to spend 50% of the initial suggested treatment time. 

Babesia seems to be one of the harder co-infections to get rid of, or so I am told, so I was thrilled with the news. My next treatment will be most likely a six month round of Bartonella protocol followed by a year of maintenance antibiotics to lessen my chances of relapse. My doctors told me I was "WAY over the hump," so naturally I was elated. So much so that I was high for the next few days, floating on cloud nine. They said a little after Christmas, or even before, I will be feeling 85-90% better. This is nothing short of a miracle. 

To add to this miraculous news-induced high, I went to my pelvic pain specialist the next day. He is absolutely my favorite doctor. I have been going to his clinic for almost ten years. His mentor was the first to actually believe that I was sick and diagnose me with all of my pelvic disorders. The second my pelvic pain doctor walked into the room his eyes lit up and welled up with tears. He gave me a hug. He is a very religious man and we speak freely about the impact of God and Christ on our lives, so he praised Jesus with me. Before even looking at my chart...just looking in my eyes, he could tell I was improving. 

Click here to read more in-depth with my pelvic pain struggles (coming soon).

My pelvic pain specialist was amazed at how well I was doing. I was going downhill very rapidly until I started Lyme treatment (which obviously made my downhill slide plummet straight down for a while), but now my pelvic illnesses are starting to heal. Almost a year ago I was able to get off the medicine for my Interstitial Cystitis, something I thought I would take the rest of my life. 

My Pelvic Pain doctor said "Sarah, not only are you walking proof that Lyme exists, but I want to send some of my patients who are in the same boat as you are in to your Lyme doctor."

Following a doctor in Alabama speak openly about Lyme and how treatment has healed me combined with two days of doctors telling me how miraculous my healing has been lately, I was so elated. I eventually crashed and felt incredibly sick for a few weeks, but it was just because my body was producing so much adrenaline (it is currently unable to regulate this) because I was SO happy. But even the crash can't keep me down. 

I am looking Babesia in the face and letting it know that it cannot beat me. Yes, it may pin me down on more occasions than not, but I will never let it keep me there. I will always get back up. And I will conquer it. Soon.

As always, click HERE to follow When Life Hands you Lyme on Facebook. Also click HERE to join the Alabama Lyme Disease Association for additional information on Lyme, co-infections, and Lyme in the South. You can also check them out on our new and improving Web site, alabamalymedisease.org.

How to Help a Lymie Out

My last post on Isolation briefly touched on the topic of how it is difficult to help someone who has Lyme Disease. This post will include a few tips on how to help out a Lymie along with listing and explaining the best presents I have received throughout this journey to wellness. This blog is written from my personal point of view of going through Lyme myself and watching my sister and father battle it, too. If your friend has Lyme, talk to them about this, their preferences may be different than my own observations. One of my favorite Lyme sites has a great article, "So You Know Someone With Lyme Disease--A Guide To Understanding Their Struggle,"that can help you understand how helping someone with Lyme can be difficult.

Tips to Help Loved Ones Dealing With Lyme Disease:

1. Try to understand, but know that you cannot. Lyme disease differs vastly from one patient to another, so methods of helping Lymies vary as much as the disease does itself. Be patient and kind. Let them know that you are there for them. Show them unconditional love and let them know that you will not allow this disease to change your relationship, unless to strengthen your bond. Do not tell them, "Well, you don't look sick" or try to cheer them up by asking, "Are you going back to work soon?"

2. Believe them. Most Lyme patients have been told everything negative about their disease from doctors, family, the government, insurance, and friends. Some common themes: your disease is not real, it is all in your head, you are depressed, you need to get over it, Lyme does not exist in the South, you need to tough it out, if you just pushed through this you would feel better..., etc. Just letting them know that you believe and support their diagnosis and have their back will do wonders. Also, if you feel so inclined, feel free to put anyone in their place for talking badly about your friend being sick. I know from personal experience that hearing that your 'friends' are telling your other friends that you are not really sick is an incredibly scaring experience that is Hell to go through. See my previous blog, My Private Struggle, for a little more insight into the story.

3. Spend a few minutes to research their disease. Their is an overwhelming amount of information on Chronic Lyme Disease out there, but do not let that stop you. Focus on symptoms of chronic lyme, learn what a "herx" (Jarisch-Herxheimer Reaction) is, learn about the lyme diet (gluten-free, sugar-free, anti-inflammatory, etc) and simple home remedies that can make the patient more comfortable. Just learning the Lyme lingo will show how much you care. Do not know where to start? Join informative facebook pages like Alabama Lyme Disease and When Life Hands You Lyme. A great place to start out for simple and informative research is one of my favorite lyme sites, Tired of Lyme (tiredoflyme.com). It is not overly "medical" and has articles that are short and easy to read. It will give you a much better understanding of this disease, from all angles.

4. Send them uplifting messages, bible verses, or words of encouragement. This can be done quickly on facebook or email. Or you can text it to the Lymie. I especially loved the ones that were mailed to me...I tape them on my mirrors and other prominent areas in my home. That way I am surrounded by positivity at all times and reminded that this disease is not going to isolate me. It reminds me that I have people cheering for me and supporting me through this journey. Here is a post with some of the uplifting messages I have received (click here).

5. Do not give up on them. You will probably ask your Lymie friend or relative to go grab a drink, get lunch, or even get coffee/tea. They may say "no" every time you ask, even if you are persistent. But do not stop asking. Instead, tailor your questions to suit the Lymie better. Ask if you can bring by some herbal tea for us to share. Or bring over dinner (gluten-free, please!) and a movie. Let them know you are planning on coming over in your pajamas. We have a lot of pride--I often turn people down from visiting because I am in my sweats and my house is a mess (something I am working on getting over). Let them know that you do not judge and you accept and love them as they are. Knowing you are coming over in your knock-around clothes makes us feel better about our appearance. It takes a long time to look put-together when you have Lyme, and knowing that you will be in your PJ's, too, makes us feel more comfortable. Like we are finally not the odd man out.

6. Help out their primary caretaker. Be it their husband, wife, child, boyfriend, girlfriend, sibling or roommate, the primary caretaker is most likely spread very thin and under a lot of stress. Ask to take them out to dinner sometime--they need time to act "normal," too. One of the best presents given to my mother when she was in the crux of nursing my father back to health during his battle with Lyme was a spa package. She was able to get pampered and relax. And when she returned home, she was rejuvenated and ready to lovingly take care of my father again. Being a caretaker is often a thankless job, so if you are on the outside looking in, be sure to express to the caregiver how much you appreciate them taking care of your loved one. In most cases they are stretched way too thin but will never let the Lymie under their care see it, so they, too, often suffer with frustration in silence. Sometimes they just need an outlet to vent to. Helping the caretaker will also help the Lymie.

7. If you are a primary caretaker, make sure to take time for yourself. The pressure and stress can make you sick, and when you are sick, your ability to take care of another is depleted. Always make sure to take care of yourself first so you can be your best self to take care of the Lymie in your life. I know this is hard to do and can sound counter-intuitive, but it is so important to take care of yourself first and then take care of your "patient." It works out much better in the long run. Also, do not feel guilty about leaving the house every once in a while to do something fun with your non-sick friends. We understand that you want to live your life just as badly as we do and sometimes we feel guilty for holding you back. So go out and have fun when you get the chance.

8. Check on them and let them know no response is needed. Feeling insanely overwhelmed is a symptom of Lyme disease..I remember when I first announced it on facebook and started blogging I was overwhelmed with loving messages, texts, and phone calls. I recall feeling so much love and support but also feeling anxiously overwhelmed...I needed to respond to all of these people who took the time to send me words of encouragement, but sadly that simple task seemed more like a mountain than a mole hill in the shape I was in at the time. The messages that helped me the most were encouraging and uplifting, but the writer let me know the message was just to let me know that they were thinking of me and that they did not require a response. It took the pressure off of me and allowed me to just sit back and appreciate the love that was being shown to me. I often get texts from friends saying, "You don't have to text me back. Just letting you know that I love you and am praying for you. Let me know if and when you feel up to talking or hanging out, but I understand if that cannot be anytime soon. Love you and just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you."

9. Help with Errands. When you have Lyme disease, the simple task of picking up a few things from the grocery store is at times impossible. A good way to help would be to say, "Hey--I'm running errands on Sunday and wanted to see if you needed me to pick you up anything. I will be passing your pharmacy and going to the grocery store anyway, so I decided to see if you needed anything while I am out." When people ask me if they can do this for me, it is a God-send. I do not want my disease to put anyone else out. Sometimes I feel that I have 'maxed-out' my favors from certain people (although they assure me this is not the case), so it is hard to be constantly asking for help. When you make it sound like its not a big deal--like you are not making a special trip or going out of your way--it is easier for us to accept the generous help that you offer. It is easier to accept help when someone offers you something specific, not just a generalized "let me know what I can do to help you," because in my case, I feel guilty assigning you tasks to do for me.

10. Give (appropriate) Gifts. While sending an Edible Arrangement is a very sweet idea, it is not a great gift to send a Lymie. If your friend with Lyme is anything like me, I can be strong and stick to my diet unless the "bad" food is put directly under my nose. On the days that I do not possess as much willpower, I will end up cheating on my diet if the "cheat" food is right there in front of me and I pay for it by feeling sick afterwards. Great gifts are also relaxing or healing gifts. Think herbal teas, rice packs (to heat up in the microwave for pain), relaxation or guided imagery CDs, prayer cards, inspirational books (something that only requires a page or two of reading a day...most lymies memories aren't up to par and reading more than a few pages is almost impossible), or a plant that is easy to take care of, like lucky bamboo. Gardening is very therapeutic to those with chronic illness--being close to nature and caring for a living being created by God is very cathartic. Give them something that requires at least a little effort to keep it alive, but not too much so that the plant does not survive.
Another gift idea would be to offer to pitch in for their supplements one month. But you have to have the right kind of relationship for that--you don't want the Lyme to feel like a charity case. If you are financially able and feel comfortable discussing the topic, ask your Lyme friend if you can help with a portion of their supplements for that month or next month. Supplements and vitamins are so important to help protect our bodies from long-term treatment...but the cost really does add up. Taking some financial stress away (even in the smallest amount) does wonders for a Lymie. Something as small as $5 or $10 to add to their medical fund is a great way to show you care. And in doing so you are helping them heal when they use the supplements. Just be sure to say "help pay for part of your supplements" unless you are prepared to foot a $200-$300 bill.

11. Donate to their Cause. Find out if your friend with Lyme is tied to any particular Lyme advocacy or support group. In my case, I would love for my friends to donate money to the Alabama Lyme Disease Association. Many Lymies have a Go-Fund me page--Help For Ian is an excellent example of a great cause (one that is close to my heart) to donate to. Here is a quick blurb from Ian's story, "Ian contracted Lyme Disease (at the age of 7) in December 2010  and, after seeing 25 doctors and specialists in 3 states, he was finally diagnosed in June 2011.  We had to travel over 1,000 miles to find a brilliant and compassionate Lyme Literate MD who would diagnose and treat him." These Go-Fund-Me pages are a great way for Lymies to be able to afford the immense cost of treatment, their medicine, and their vitamins/supplements. The smallest donation, even $5, will make a significant impact on the life of the Lymie you are donating to. Financial stress can make the healing process for Lyme disease take so much longer. 

12. Put them on the prayer list at church. Then tell them. I have learned through this disease the intense and divine healing that comes from the power of prayer. Especially having so many prayers being said in your name by so many. It is a wonderful, divine, and healing gift to give someone and a great way to show that you care.

Click My Prayer Quilt post to read about the best gift I have received during my battle.

Guest Blog: A lifelong battle with JRA & Lyme

I would like to welcome my first guest blogger and someone very dear to me, my sister Julia. She is one of the toughest fighters I know...so strong and so beautiful that it is hard to believe that she is sick. Without further adieu, here is Julia... 

I have been very hesitant to write a post for Sarah's blog. It has been a hard choice for me because I don't want to seem like I'm whining or wanting people to feel sorry for me. Especially since I am in nursing school and see people everyday that are so much sicker than I am so I realize in a lot of ways I am very fortunate.

Julia Israel, Lyme warrior and Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis Spokesperson

I'll start out with my story from the beginning. I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis at 2.5 years old. My parents had noticed that my finger was swollen but they just assumed I'd had a normal toddler accident. However, one day my dad was tossing me up in the air and when he caught me I started screaming. My parents of course were concerned I'd broken a bone or pulled something out of place, but I explained to them that Daddy straightened the arm that's "not supposed to straighten".  Then they realized that I was holding my arm at a 90 degree angle up against my chest/stomach all the time. After several weeks of testing, my parents were told I had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). I grew up trying a wide variety of treatments; there were no pediatric rheumatologists in the state of Alabama and the medicines weren't as good as they are now so we tried everything that was out there. 

My doctor told me there was nothing they could do for my arm- that it would always be bent at a right angle and that I should go ahead and learn to use my left hand- which I did, which always tricked up pitchers in 2-3rd grade softball ;). I wore a metal brace for half of the day and also when I slept in hopes that it would keep my arm from retracting further. My parents, being the incredible people they are, decided that they were not going to give up. I went to a physical therapist who I hated because she "hurt" me to help me, but she was incredibly effective and changed my life. 

With Angie, we would do strengthening and stretching exercises for my arm, then, with several assistants, pull my arm as straight as she could and then cast it as quickly as possible. We would go back several weeks later, remove the old cast, straighten the arm a little more, and recast it. This was very painful but worked so well that my arm was nearly completely straight after a few months. However, one day in church my arm completely retracted back into the 90 degree angle and we had to start all over. However, after this time it worked! It was amazing and allowed me to live a much more normal life. During my elementary school years, I also developed a form of arthritis in the eye called iritis, which can lead to blindness if untreated, but I had no long term effects after treatment with steroids.

At some point during all of this, more joints became involved including my knees, ankle, jaw, hip, and shoulder. My knee was swelling to such an extreme degree that in 7th grade, the doctor removed some synovial tissue and cleared out some cartilage in an effort to keep me from coming to the office every couple of weeks to get it drained. This period of my life was an incredibly difficult one. I was in constant, excruciating pain but didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to seem whiny or be seen as "different". 

I was so sick and anemic that I looked like a ghost. We found an old picture of me on a skiing trip from 7th grade and my face is honestly only about one shade darker than the snow behind me. My parents would have to wake me up before my sisters in order for me to get stretched out enough (especially my legs) that I was able to leave bed. I wore leg braces that kept my leg straight while I slept, but it was so painful I'd always take them off in the night and wake up with knees I couldn't straighten past 90-100 degrees. 

Even with this, I continued playing sports the best I could. In 7th grade basketball I would often come in just to shoot some threes at the end of the quarter or half, but one game I remember making several shots in a row and the opposing coach yelling, "how can you not guard her?? I can run backwards faster than she can run!" It really hurt my feelings at the time because I was very self-conscious of my obvious limp, but I tried to think of it as a compliment. 

However, feeling so alone left me in a very dark place and I became very depressed. Feeling alone and misunderstood are two powerfully painful feelings and unfortunately, my parents didn't realize the high incidence of depression among people, especially adolescents, with chronic diseases, so I suffered for a long time before my parents realized what a dark place I was in and got me professional help.

In high school I really felt a lot better than I did in junior high. We had a new pediatric rheumatologist at Children's in Birmingham, and she put me on Vioxx, methotrexate, and Enbrel, a shot I gave myself 2 times per week for 10 or 11 years. I still felt nearly constant pain, but I didn't have so much swelling and was able to participate in sports like I wanted. 

I began working on a campaign with the Arthritis Foundation of Alabama to raise funds to bring a pediatric rheumatologist to the state of Alabama (my 7th grade doctor left after 2 years or so). Along with two other children who had much more severe arthritis than I, we made a video to raise awareness that "Kids Get Arthritis, Too!" and to raise money for an endowment to hire some pediatric rheumatologists. I spoke at various events (oh how i hate public speaking!) However, after all our hard work we raised several million dollars, hired 2 pediatric rheumatologists, and built a state of the art facility, one of the bests in the nation. This is truly my proudest accomplishment to date.

Once I started college though, things went downhill again. I started  flaring, my knees became hugely swollen again, once so bad my 5'3" sister and 5'2" mother had to carry me up two flights of stairs to my dorm and then I had to depend on my roommate to help me get dressed. I started seeing a new rheumatologist who I really liked and respected and he changed up my treatment regimen to once a month infusions, in addition to the meloxicam, plaquenil, and the maximum dosage of methotrexate that I had been on for 10 years. 

He continued draining my knee and injecting it with steroids, but every couple of months I was back with the same problem. I also started having jaw problems and had to get my TMJ joint injected with steroids (not pleasant). Finally, one day I came in to the rheumatologist and had so much inflammation spread all throughout my body, my doctor decided to run an infusion of steroids with my infusion for my JRA. I got home and literally didn't leave the bed or eat for 3 days.

After this last incident, my parents and I decided we had to try something else. My sister had been diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease and the doctor was interested in seeing me since he had successfully treated and cured several patients diagnosed with JRA. My rheumatologist thought I was insane, but I had one more infusion left to try before I was out of options with JRA meds, so we figured why not give this Lyme doctor a shot. 

I went and saw him, stopped taking all of my arthritis medications, and the swelling in my joints went away! It has almost been a full year that I have been off my arthritis medicines and I have had minimal swelling- avoiding draining my joints and avoiding damaging steroid injections.  The doctor also told me NO steroids! The steroids actually cause the Lyme spirochetes to go into overdrive- hence why I got so sick after steroid infusions. 

It sounds really strange to most people, but I was thrilled to have Lyme disease. JRA is a life-long condition that you can only try to improve symptoms, but there's not a cure. With Lyme disease, even though its a long road and some people never get 100% better, I am just so happy to be able to get better at all. I was telling my dad the other day that even if I only got 25% better than I've been my whole life I'd be thrilled!

I'm nearing a year of treatment coming up this fall and still have several years to go. It has been a really, really hard road and besides the lack of intense inflammation, I actually feel worse than I did while on JRA treatments. The doctor told me this is to be expected because the Lyme bacteria and co-existing infections fight back when they are attacked with antibiotics.

I think where I am again, where I keep finding myself, is in a very low place because I feel alone, isolated, and like no one understands me. I am in an accelerated degree masters nursing program and every single day is such a struggle for me. However, I don't want to complain or be a "Debbie downer" so I always try to keep a smile on my face and pretend everything is okay. I think this is part of my problem with feeling like my friends don't understand me- I usually don't look sick or act sick, but it's really just because I'm trying to hide it and power through, just like I always have. 

Pictured here with her wonderful fiance, Julia looks more super-model than super-sick, which is why so many have no clue how torturous this disease has been to her during the span of her entire life. -Sarah

I never wanted arthritis to stop me and I'm not going to let Lyme stop me. I just pray for more understanding from my peers. It is hard for people that are healthy to understand though. Often I can sleep anywhere from 14-20 hours without waking up and then require a nap later. I sometimes take hot baths 3 times a day in an effort to curb my pain. I keep pain pills with me to get through the days. I sit in the dark for hours because I suddenly get the worst migraines. It really is a lonely disease, as I believe most chronic diseases are. I feel like I've missed out on so many experiences and friendships because of my life-long struggle with JRA and Lyme disease. There was a whole year in college when I hardly left the bed except to go to class occasionally and I feel like a lost a lot of great friends and experiences I could have had. 

Because I don't really share much about how I'm really feeling, I sometimes feel like I'm right back in junior high again, completely misunderstood in how much I am really struggling because of these diseases. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I want people to realize the situation I'm in and just care and show compassion more than anything else.

Luckily, I have an amazing fiancé that helps support me, especially through this spring which was the worst I've felt in my entire life. He cooked, he cleaned my apartment, he looked after our dog, he went grocery shopping, etc. He has been truly amazing and has made it possible for me to make it through one year of this degree and has kept me laughing, even when I feel my worst. 

I just want to share my story to spread awareness and also to help the friends and families of a person with chronic Lyme disease. Know this is an incredibly lonely, dark disease and that your friend/family member with the disease needs your support and company at times too; make that phone call or text, invite them to do something, offer to bring a meal when they can't get out of bed, simply let them know you're thinking of them! That always does me wonders- even if I want to be alone all day, just knowing someone is thinking about me and caring for me is a huge booster.

As I start a new school year, I am extremely anxious about how my body will handle it, as my body completely rebelled against the insane hours of the nursing program when I got costochondritis, constant upper airway and throat infections, and stomach bugs. I am really terrified about starting school again, but I am going to continue fighting as hard as I possibly can. I'll need all the prayers I can get.

Finally, another huge worry I have that feels like a constant burden is that until I get better, I can't be the fiancé/wife to Cory I want to be and I can't be the super mom I want to be one day. Cory helps me so much and is so amazing to me and I just want to give back to him all he has given me.

I want to close this post by saying I know how incredibly fortunate I am. I've had parents that never gave up on getting me better, parents that never let me quit or believe I couldn't do something because of my JRA, two totally compassionate sisters willing to do anything to make me feel better, and a fiancé that I love beyond belief who has been so patient with me through the pain, the tears, the mood swings, the fatigue. I have been so, so blessed in so many ways, and I cannot wait to truly take on this world once I am better.